Funny insight into my life part 2- Pysco Killer

So, we last left off with the strange concoction of smells making its way through the house. Fine, that part is now over. Let’s move on, shall we?

After dinner that same night, I am doing the dishes and the girls are upstairs getting things ready for bed. From where I am at in the kitchen, I can look upstairs (again, Family Room is 2 stories) right over the cat walk and into Belle’s bedroom. I can see the crazy mess that has taken over her space- and to be honest, this is no fault of her own. After cleaning out the garage to make room for the beer fridge to resume its rightful place, I moved some of the large boxes of toys into her room. It had been so nice over the summer that the girls never wanted to be inside, and now that there has stated to be a chill in the air it was time to finally unpack these boxes. As a side note, we have never lived in a house before without an instant playroom, better known as a basement. When moving in, it was decided that Belle would have the bigger bedroom and, therefore, house all of the toys in her space. Hence, the large boxes of dress up clothes, Polly Pockets and God only knows what else is now sprawled out in the middle of her floor. Anyway, I am standing downstairs, looking up to her room and telling her its pajama time, and that’s when I saw it.

The cockroach.

OMG people- I just got the chills again having only typed the word.

Let me put this into perspective. I am on an entirely different level and I can see that thing as plain as day. On her ceiling. Taughting me. DARING me to come and kill it.

Now, let me explain that never in my life have I seen a cockroach (or, nicer word, “palmetto bug”, but heck, they are all grossly disgusting) until I moved south. Everyone tells me that they are just a part of life here, and as the weather is starting to get colder, like any disgusting outside creature, it is looking for warmer climate. All I want to say is how about Florida? I hear that’s where all the cool cockroaches go this time of year. Please, anywhere but my house.

I realize as I am looking at the large cardboard boxes that I have just moved in from the garage that I am most likely the one that transported that thing inside. Nice way to hitch a free ride you freaky little thing. And maybe not so little, as I am still downstairs staring up at what looks to be about the size of a silver dollar, realizing that I am going to have to take care of this.

Time to call in reinforcements.

So, I tell Belle that she needs to go downstairs and repack her bag for school or some nonsense like that because the last thing I want is for her to see it. Then I tell GG to come into Belle’s bedroom. She’s no dummy- she hesitates as she gets to the door. She can smell my fear.

“Look,” I say, “just keep an eye on that thing and I will get a cup and kill it.” She could not physically be any closer to the room without actually crossing the threshold and gave me that look like “I’m not going in there!” I of course, don’t blame her. I don’t want to be doing this any more than, well, anything. But I tell myself that I have to set the example, that girls can do anything, that it’s only a bug- no reason to be afraid. That is what I am saying on the outside. On the inside I want to close my eyes, click my heels, and for all of this to just go away. No luck. So, I get the cup and the step ladder, cautiously position myself at the right angle to capture it, but not really sure what I am going to do after I jail it with the large plastic cup… on the ceiling. But, I go after it anyway, and that’s when it happens.

The thing flies right at me!

OMGI have never moved so fast in all my life! I am convinced it’s in my hair (aren’t there stories about a cockroach getting into some woman’s hair or something? Maybe that’s a bat… at this point it’s all relative…) I am jumping up and down, flinging my hands through my hair, and whipping off my shirt all in about 1.3 seconds, convinced it is on me (it never was. Let’s just go with that.) GG and I run out of the room. The beast is now out of sight.

Crap. Now what? I can’t put Belle back in there, and I certainly can’t tell her about it- she would be sleeping in my bed until the age of 17. I seriously thought about closing the door and taking the Scarlet O’Hara approach- deal with it another day- but then I know I may never be able to go back in there- the creature would own the room. So, I face my fear and tiptoe back in. You know, to take it by surprise.

I sneak around, and then suddenly spot it on the top of Belle’s dresser behind a picture frame. Think you can hide, do you? Ha! I hesitate for a few seconds; I have lost my cup to capture it, and don’t have anything else with me. But I can’t lose this opportunity, and realistically, I just want this OVER with. I move in for the kill- that sucker is fast and starts to make his move, and I crush it with the shirt that is in my hands that was on my back only minutes earlier. I am not taking any chances here- I make GG get the biggest book she can find and then I smash that on top of the shirt- just for good measure. I am still convinced that it might have survived the assault, so I bundle up the shirt- take a quick peek at the dresser to make sure that I didn’t leave it there by accident, and then promptly throw the whole thing away.

Done.

But know what the sad part is?

I really liked that shirt.