The Beet Theory

So what do beets and online dating have in common? 

I'm glad you asked.

 

First, a little background. 

 

I have been a victim-oops- I mean "willing participant" of online dating on and off since moving to Georgia. At first, I will now openly admit it was for all of the wrong reasons; there was no way I was at all in a place where I could have a meaningful relationship.  Instead, I was using the numerous sites (I mean seriously, there are over 1,500 dating sites in the USA alone!  So much so that there is one for Farmers. Only.  And yes, it's called farmersonly.  But I digress....) As I was saying, I was using one of the numerous sites for what the majority of my fellow users were sacrificing our dignity for; online validation without the fear of any actual follow through. 

 

Hey, I'm only being honest here.

 

It was during this time that I devised what I like to call "The Beet Theory". 

And I am going to let you all in on how this works.  (By the way, for all my married folk, you can just thank me now for what I will save you in marriage therapy expense as you will use one of the infamous "When Harry Met Sally" lines after reading this...

"Please tell me I will never have to be out there again."

"You will never have to be out there again."

AKA- Dating. (No wagon wheel coffee table included in this offer.)

 

Ok, here goes.

 

Imagine yourself as what you believe to be is a fairly well adjusted Singleton. Perhaps newly so, you have this "re-birth" feeling pulsing in you- hey, you are free! You are meant to live life!  Live the life that the person you were with "clearly" was holding you from.  Now, you are going out and are destined to meet that one person that you were meant to be with... not that you need anyone- seriously, you are just fine as you are and fully healed and well adjusted to this new life and are not out for anything serious because life is great how it is but just missing that one thing and all your friends have told you how wonderful you are but not egotistical but smart, funny, driven and a true giver and that one guy who you would call at 2:00 am and he would so be there for you but hey I am just testing the waters here in hopes to find my true soul mate that I am willing to wait for because I know they are waiting for me, too.

 

So says every online dating profile ever written.

 

And you, the other version of this, are doing The. Exact. Same. Thing.

Oh, what I mean is, of course you truly are all those things.  No, Seriously. You are.

 

And you, Ms. Well Adjusted, are there on a Saturday night (not to late, as to not give the impression that you are actually doing what you are doing and that is looking at online dating profiles in your flannel reindeer pants and your second (+) glass of red wine) going through that barrage of men just waiting to be your everything.

 

And then you find it.

 

He's handsome, but not "too" handsome, professional, likes some of the same things but you can tell that he's just different enough to be interesting and introduce you to some new experiences.  He has a job, claims not to be married, is witty in his description, and says he has the best dog ever which sadly for him you know is a lie because YOU have the best dog ever.  And you start picturing that first date, and the butterflies you will feel, and how you will try to act so causal like this is no big deal but in your head you are already thinking of how you will tell your story to your friends that you "just knew" and were the one true success story of how online dating can actually work and were together after that moment...

 

Until you read it. 

 

He says he hates beets.

 

You know that you love beets.

 

And immediately the picture perfect vision you had dissipates like dust in the wind because it was clearly never meant to be because how could the person you were "meant" to be with not like beets when you like them so much and hey.. wait... there are 72,834 other profiles within a 60 mile radius and I am certain in my bones that the right person is out there for me and he will have all of the things I just read plus like beets- I just need to move onto the next profile to find him!

 

Yep.  Online dating can be just like that.
So easy to dismiss someone simply because of a personal like or dislike they have, subconsciously believing that one thing you don't have in common results in the fact that it won't work out; and the fact that you don't have to be vulnerable to anyone by taking the time to get to know them because you have countless others (and by others, I clearly mean other empty profiles) that are simply waiting for you only a click away....

 

Now, I would in no way say that this is a replica of actual events... but I might have known a girl, once, recently single, years ago, in a land far, far away, that perhaps thought like this.  You might have known someone like that at one point, too, at least three people removed from yourself I am sure.

 

I am happy to say that years, much, much, much, longer than I thought it should have ever taken me, I think I am finally closing up the chapters that have been holding me back to the realistic search that I want to be on.  One where most of the "what I thought was important" has faded into the background of "what I know to be important", and most importantly, what I will and will not accept in my life. 

 

Values.  Character.  Standards. 

 

Ok, and perhaps some similar interests, but now those who dislikes beets are welcome to apply.