Fighting with Elephants

There is a word that GG uses to describe Belle, and it is pretty close to perfect- she calls her “complicated”.

I prefer to tell it like it is- Belle is dramatic.

Let me provide an insight into the world that is my youngest daughter.

After spending a few nights over Grammy and Papa’s, the girls came home tired.  No doubt there was some ice cream soup involved and other antics that kept them up late at night, but that is how it should be.  However, as bedtime approachs, despite her pleading of “But I’m not tired!” (as her eyes are all red from lack of sleep) I stand firm and insist that she get into bed. 

As we snuggle under the covers, Belle asks for a Princess Belle story (you know, where you need to be creative on the spot and make up a captivating magical tale involving said daughter and all of her at-the-moment favorite stuffed animal friends.  Yes, I secretly love it.)  In these stories, there is one character that is always included as Belle’s trusty, loyal companion, and that is Ellie.

Ellie is a Hufalump from Winnie the Pooh, which was Belle’s prize souvenir from our first trip to Disney World.  After stepping off the ride that took us through the adventures in the Hundred Acre Woods,  you, of course, step right into the gift shop.  Disney is the only place on this earth where if one of my children asks for something I am pretty much going to make it happen.  You know, because… it’s Disney. So, the small purple elephant came home with us that day and Ellie and Belle have been BFFs ever since.

So, there we were, the three of us, gearing up for a Princess Belle story when all of the sudden…

Belle punches Ellie.

I am not talking a playful tap, people.  It was a fist tightened right arm slugging punch.

WTF?

I gasp and ask Belle “Why would you ever hit Ellie?  Is that the way we treat people?”  At any moment I feel like social services will be knocking on the door “Ma’am, I hear your daughter has been punching elephants.  Is that true? Would you please step outside….” What would possess her to do that? In some crazy questioning that follows I ask her if someone has hit her? (no) Is it something you saw on a show (no. Mental note- cut screen time even more.) Then why would you do that?  (I don’t knooooooooow!)

So she is crying, it’s already 20 minutes past her bed time, but I can tell this is all just stemming from sheer exhaustion. So she says that she needs a few minutes alone with Ellie, and I comply, which works out great so I can go and put GG to bed.  A few minutes later I hear Belle outside her room, crying like she just lost her best friend.  Oh, the irony.

I say a final goodnight to GG, and go into the hall.  Belle is sitting on the floor all curled up with big crocodile tears streaming down her face.  The conversation goes something like this:

“What happened, Belle?”

“I told Ellie that I was sorry.”

“And?”

“He told me apology not accepted!”

Really?!?!?!

So, now it’s way past bedtime, and I told her that she needs to get into bed regardless of if Ellie is talking to her or not.  But here in lays the problem- Belle can’t sleep without Ellie.  I even tried Hippy (the hippo) and Big Duckie (yes, a big duck… wow- what creative names we have here!) but alas, only Ellie will do.  So, in my Ellie voice, Ellie tells Belle that he doesn’t understand why she would hit him, but that he knows it won’t ever happen again and accepts the apology.  Kate looks up and says, “You know, the time that Ellie and I weren’t friends, I feel that he is going to hold it against me.”  Yeah, the time you weren’t friends lasted all of 15 minutes, and didn’t you just hear the elephant say it was all good? 

So she snuggles in tight under the covers, Ellie tucked into her chest and head resting between his big floppy ears, just as it has been for countless nights before.  I kiss them both goodnight, give Ellie one last scratch behind his ear (he likes that) and Belle smiles.  I turn out the light and close the door.

10 minutes later I am cleaning up the kitchen and Belle turns the corner, Ellie in hand.

“Ellie said he would like some peanuts.  And I was thinking that maybe I could have some fishy crackers, too please?”

See?  An elephant can’t stay mad forever.

Yep, Still Got It

One week later and I think I am still coming off the girlfriend high that my time with J provided.

It was great, just as we both knew it would be.

Whenever we get together, there are elements of myself that I get to revisit.  Elements that God only knows I could not keep up with all the time, but good to reconnect with; stop by for a visit and say, “Yeah, I remember you...”

Two friends getting ready together, laughing, music in the background as we help each other decide what to wear and declare unequivocally “your hair/ makeup/ outfit looks amazing”.  Leaving to go out at 9:00 instead of thinking "Whew! The kids are in bed, almost time to call it a night myself."  Blasting great songs while driving with the windows down and singing at the top of our lungs. Staying up until 4 am- and not because someone under the age of 10 was throwing up or having nightmares, but because we were having so much fun we lost track of time.

But during the time she was here, there was an added element that I didn’t count on.  It was the fact that she was staying at my house.  I was showing her the city that I now call home, and I knew some places to go- cool, edgy, places.  Places where the popular kids go.  It hit me a few times of how far I have come in the past 3 months- 3 months!- and it really filled me with a sense of pride.

But the true heart of the matter is that it reminded me that there are just those times in life when you need to be young again, regardless of what age you really are.  Time to stop being responsible- just for a weekend- and live without a plan.  Without carrying fruit snacks or extra napkins in your purse- just in case. Time to notice and appreciate how your calves look in a pair of platform pumps.  Time to learn that you can still make heads turn.  Time to remind you that you can fill your friend’s soul just as they do yours. 

Time to prove to no one other than yourself that through it all, you still got it.

Making a List, Checking it Twice

There is no doubt about it- I am a list maker.

I make lists for everything- personal to do, work to do, home improvement projects, songs I want to download, stores I need to make returns at, stores I want to visit and linger at for hours if I ever had that kind of time… even a running Christmas list, because without fail it will be the day after Thanksgiving and I will have no idea what to suggest as gift ideas for the girls.  And yes, at one point, there has even been a list of lists.  But there is one thing that I have wanted to capture that, while I have often talked about it, I have never taken the time to put pen to paper (or type into a word document) in order to make it “official”.

My Life List.

Now, some people might call it a bucket list.  I, for one, choose the term Life List.   I firmly believe that the things I have identified will help mold and create the type of life that I want to live.  You know, so when I look back one day I can say that I gave it my all, or in other words “Yeah, I pretty much rocked it.” 

Whatever you call it, why you do it, or the parameters you use to make it really doesn’t matter; there is no magic number (although 100 seems to come up a lot) and I have even seen the list divided into categories such as famous monuments to see, athletics to achieve, adventure activities, charities to participate in etc.  As it is with so many things in life, it’s whatever works for you that is important.

So  just in case you might want to get inspired, I came across some questions that might help get those “one day I want to” dreams captured:

• What is one thing you have always wanted to do but have not done yet?
• What would you do if you have unlimited time, money and resources?
• Any countries, places or locations you want to visit?
• What are your biggest goals and dreams?
• Anyone you want to see in person or meet?
• What experiences do you want to have / feel?
• Are there any special moments you want to witness?
• What activities or skills do you want to learn or try?
• What do you need to do to lead a life of great meaning?

While I found these questions after I had already started my list, I still find them useful.  After creating my list, I can tell that it will be fluid-  one where it’s ok if I change my mind and take something off, or add something new (again, it’s whatever works for you). For me, the biggest commitment that I can make is to identify 2 - 3 things a year that I want to accomplish.  This is why it’s important to have big and small things identified, because, as we all know, it’s a lot of the little stuff that create some of the greatest moments in our lives.

So you might be asking… with all this talk, what do I have on my list?  To date I have 73 items identified.  Some of which include:

·         Ride a mechanical bull

·         Experience Oktoberfest in Germany (officially going next year!)

·         See the sun rise over the Grand Canyon

·         Attend the Opening Ceremonies of the Olympics

·         Run a 5k

·         Drop a $100 bill into a street performer’s hat 

·         Dine at a chef’s table

·         Own a pair of Louboutin shoes

·         Go hiking in New Zealand

·         See a final Stanley Cup Playoff Game

·         Have a real Guinness in an Irish Pub

·         Be a Parrot Head at a Jimmy Buffett concert

And that’s only 12!

So, the final thing you might be asking is what things have I identified that I am going to knock off the list this year? 

Well, you might know that I will run my first 5k in just a few weeks.  Privately, there have been a few other things that I have knocked off this year as well.  As for what that was, or what else I aim to accomplish this year, I am keeping that information to myself.  But whatever it is, have no doubt, I am going to make it happen.

Because, as you might guess, doing all the things on my life list is #73. 

Silver and Gold

Make new friends, but keep the old
One is silver and the other's gold

That is an old Girl Scout song that I remember singing in elementary school.  Little did I realize when I sang it at 9 years old how relevant it would still be at 37.

I have made a few comments about how making friends here since the move has proven a little challenging for me. It’s not that I am shy by any means, but it’s just that I don’t interact with others on a regular basis as others might normally do.  I don't go to an office.  I work, live, breathe, eat, and sleep in this house.  I am not a stay-at-home mom who can connect with other moms and take the kids to an adventure park for the day. The girls are not in any activities yet where I can stalk the cool parents.  And while I have met some great women through the neighborhood and other organizations I have joined, they are all still... new. And let's face it; there is just something so comforting about a true friend that really knows you.

And that is my friend J.

J and I have been friends since the fourth grade.  Not sure how we became friends exactly (it might have been something to do with our shared love of the Michael Jackson “Beat It” jacket) but I guess in the fourth grade everyone is still pretty much friends with each other. Regardless, she was the cool one and, having just transferred to the school, I was the new one. I remember that we took skiing lessons together that year.  On the day of our lesson we had to leave school 10 minutes early and J walked to my house and our parents took turns taking us to the ski hill for our lesson.  All I remember of that was J and I leaving10 minutes before everyone else got out of school and how special that made us feel, because let's face it, at 9 that made us the bomb-diggity.

J and I remained friends all through high school, and while we ran in different circles, those circles just seemed to intersect with each other and we remained close. When it was time to go away to college, J and I were accepted to the same school and we became roommates.  You quickly learn all you need to know about a person when the two of you live in a 12 x 12 cell block with adjoining bathroom.  Despite our different personalities we made it work, and really learned from each other. J taught me to let go a little, and she encouraged some of the crazy adventures we experienced that first year. It was also during that first year after some late night partying I taught her the right way to clean carpets.  These are both life lessons we both keep to this day.   

After college we continued to live very different lives- J moved to Chicago and lived in an incredibly cool apartment right by Wrigley field, walked to downtown bars, and figured out what she wanted to do when she grew up.  Let’s just say I took a more traditional route.  But through it all, we have always been there for each other.  Regardless if it is days or months in between our chats, it was always as if it is 2 am and we are sitting in the loft beds across from each other in our dorm room located in Valley II.  J was the one to hang signs all around our apartment for my 21^st birthday, and she was the very first person I called after M and I decided to end our marriage.  Crumbled up on the floor of my closet, she was my life line telling me everything that I needed to hear.

So one particularly dark night that first week after the girls had moved to Georgia, I called J in order to just feel connected to someone who knew me.  As good friends always do, she knew I was in a state. In what seemed like a blink of an eye we had plans for her to come and visit, and now that time is finally here.  Even though I may not been in such a sad state any more, having her here is going to be good for my soul.  I know I have said that it is important for me to put on my own oxygen mask, but J coming for the weekend is the equivalent to spending 3 days at an oxygen bar (bar also being an appropriate use of words).  With the girls away each night she is here (call out to my sister for keeping them), it will be late night laughter, references from 20 years ago, and many "remember when...", “look how far we’ve come” and “this is who I am now” type of conversations. 

And before we know it, the clock will say 2 am and we will be sitting outside on the patio, glass of wine in hand, all the while feeling we are sitting in those loft beds across from each other in our dorm room located in Valley II.  Maybe just a little older and wiser, but still those same girls who regardless of what life throws at them, will always be there for each other.