It
all started with a ferret.
We
were at the pet store picking up a trough of food for the 108lb puppy, when
Belle came across the showcase displaying ferrets. She immediately began oohing and ahhing and aren’t
they so cute type of stuff, and of course this led to the question of “Can I
have one?”. Knowing that this child
inherited my financial habits (how an equally cute pair of shoes leaves me
oohing and ahhing and then I must bring them home with me) I tell her “Sure, as
long as you pay for it.” At the price tag of lots more money than she can
comprehend, she then asks “So when do I get my allowance?”
The
question of allowance in my house is a tough one. I personally believe that my children should
do chores not because they get paid to, but because they are part of the
family. I, in turn, am supposed to
supply them with money once a month to teach them fiscal responsibility. But inevitably the first of the month comes and
goes and I forget. And then we are in a
store, and they want a little something, and I oblige. This is totally against my grand scheme to
teach them the value of money, and to not spend it on crap- especially if you
are saving for something bigger and better.
But what can I say? In moments of
weakness I forget and sometimes there is just not enough time in the day to
explain why you don’t need one more sparkly headband.
But,
determined to get back on track, as soon as we head home I call a family
meeting. I explain that it’s time to
revisit the issue of allowance, and that I took full responsibility for my part
in the forgetting and the indulging, but the reality is that we need to work
together in order to make this system work.
Their part, I explain, is that they were to put together a proposal of
what they thought they should earn a month- Belle had to come up with 3
supporting points to her case, and GG had to come up with 5. From there, we would discuss their proposal,
and if I agreed, I would write up a contract agreeing to the terms and we would both sign it.
Yes,
I am that kind of mom.
Belle
ran upstairs and was back in 3 minutes. Literally.
Her reasons basically all boiled down to the same thing- because she deserved
it. I told her this was less than a
compelling argument, and after explaining what compelling meant she stomped
back upstairs- only to return a few
minutes later. Her reasons this time was
because I work so hard, because I do my chores well, and because I deserve
it. Clearly, she learned a lesson here….
Yeah- not so much.
GG
came down about a half hour after our initial conversation and tried to present
to me while standing about 20 yards away.
I told her that was not going to cut it- she needed to look me in the eye
and present her case. She did a good
job- while some of the reasons were repeats (Because I do a good job, because I
do it well, etc.) I was proud of her for really thinking it through.
But
here is the funny part.
When
asked how much they thought they should earn a month, GG, as always, tended on
the more conservative side. Her
proposal? $15/ month. Belle, on the other hand, clearly puts a much
higher value on her precious time- she came to me with a request for $20/
month.
Classic.
After
explaining to Belle that far exceeded what I was willing to pay, her next
argument was to lobby for at LEAST the same amount as GG, because, of course,
they were both living in the same house and had the same number of chores. I quickly pointed out that first, I pay for
the house, and while I could never put a price on how much I valued them both
as daughters, you don’t get paid to just be my daughter (although, in hind
sight, there might be some validity to this).
Second, the number of chores did not matter as much as what the chores
were, and I walked her through how more complex GG’s responsibilities
were. While she was not happy, she begrudgingly
agreed that made sense.
So
eventually, after the proposals, and talking to my sister for some market price
comparisons of what the going rate on allowances were these days, we finally
all agreed on an amount. No, it was not
what either of them had initially requested (some more, some less- you can
guess which way that turned out), but it was something that I thought was fair and
able to sustain all of the “gimmie’s” that might come up along the way.
I
hope that their take away is that while you may not always get what you want,
you have to ask for it. And really, more
than just ask for it, but justify it with solid evidence to support the
request.
Good
thing I provide this justification to myself every time I come across a cute
pair of shoes.
Funny,
regardless of the reasons, I always happen to agree.
