Silver and Gold

Make new friends, but keep the old
One is silver and the other's gold

That is an old Girl Scout song that I remember singing in elementary school.  Little did I realize when I sang it at 9 years old how relevant it would still be at 37.

I have made a few comments about how making friends here since the move has proven a little challenging for me. It’s not that I am shy by any means, but it’s just that I don’t interact with others on a regular basis as others might normally do.  I don't go to an office.  I work, live, breathe, eat, and sleep in this house.  I am not a stay-at-home mom who can connect with other moms and take the kids to an adventure park for the day. The girls are not in any activities yet where I can stalk the cool parents.  And while I have met some great women through the neighborhood and other organizations I have joined, they are all still... new. And let's face it; there is just something so comforting about a true friend that really knows you.

And that is my friend J.

J and I have been friends since the fourth grade.  Not sure how we became friends exactly (it might have been something to do with our shared love of the Michael Jackson “Beat It” jacket) but I guess in the fourth grade everyone is still pretty much friends with each other. Regardless, she was the cool one and, having just transferred to the school, I was the new one. I remember that we took skiing lessons together that year.  On the day of our lesson we had to leave school 10 minutes early and J walked to my house and our parents took turns taking us to the ski hill for our lesson.  All I remember of that was J and I leaving10 minutes before everyone else got out of school and how special that made us feel, because let's face it, at 9 that made us the bomb-diggity.

J and I remained friends all through high school, and while we ran in different circles, those circles just seemed to intersect with each other and we remained close. When it was time to go away to college, J and I were accepted to the same school and we became roommates.  You quickly learn all you need to know about a person when the two of you live in a 12 x 12 cell block with adjoining bathroom.  Despite our different personalities we made it work, and really learned from each other. J taught me to let go a little, and she encouraged some of the crazy adventures we experienced that first year. It was also during that first year after some late night partying I taught her the right way to clean carpets.  These are both life lessons we both keep to this day.   

After college we continued to live very different lives- J moved to Chicago and lived in an incredibly cool apartment right by Wrigley field, walked to downtown bars, and figured out what she wanted to do when she grew up.  Let’s just say I took a more traditional route.  But through it all, we have always been there for each other.  Regardless if it is days or months in between our chats, it was always as if it is 2 am and we are sitting in the loft beds across from each other in our dorm room located in Valley II.  J was the one to hang signs all around our apartment for my 21^st birthday, and she was the very first person I called after M and I decided to end our marriage.  Crumbled up on the floor of my closet, she was my life line telling me everything that I needed to hear.

So one particularly dark night that first week after the girls had moved to Georgia, I called J in order to just feel connected to someone who knew me.  As good friends always do, she knew I was in a state. In what seemed like a blink of an eye we had plans for her to come and visit, and now that time is finally here.  Even though I may not been in such a sad state any more, having her here is going to be good for my soul.  I know I have said that it is important for me to put on my own oxygen mask, but J coming for the weekend is the equivalent to spending 3 days at an oxygen bar (bar also being an appropriate use of words).  With the girls away each night she is here (call out to my sister for keeping them), it will be late night laughter, references from 20 years ago, and many "remember when...", “look how far we’ve come” and “this is who I am now” type of conversations. 

And before we know it, the clock will say 2 am and we will be sitting outside on the patio, glass of wine in hand, all the while feeling we are sitting in those loft beds across from each other in our dorm room located in Valley II.  Maybe just a little older and wiser, but still those same girls who regardless of what life throws at them, will always be there for each other.