The Big O

The end of an era has come and gone.  And due to an unfortunate run in with the flu, I happened to be sacked out on the couch and was able to witness it as it happened.

Oprah had her final show.

Now, I am not a huge Oprah fan, nor do I watch her show (or if you know me, really any TV for that matter) but I do acknowledge that she is an amazing individual.  I will, on occasion, get her magazine and always find her thoughts and outlook on life very inspiring.  She truly says things that are simple, but honest.  Can’t seem to argue with that logic- no matter how hard I try.

There have been many anthologies trying to summarize some of her best moments over the length of her broadcast career, but what I take most to heart are those simple truths that she has really promoted during this time.  Some of my favorites include:

·         Doubt means don’t

·         Forgiveness is letting go of the hope that the past could have been different

·         We teach others how we want to be treated

·         Life sometimes talks in whispers- make sure you listen or it will show up again as a scream

·         Know and believe that you are worthy of happiness

See?  Simple.  On point.  But sometimes, you just need to be reminded.

Sip

After traveling the past three weeks for work, I was so happy to come home to Georgia.  I missed it.  I missed the warm weather... I missed this house... I missed that feeling of contentment that this is where I belong. 

Yep- that lasted for about 4 hours.

OK, so not really, but when I had gone through the mail, unpacked my suitcase, and finally had an opportunity to sit down, I realized what I really needed in that moment- Girlfriends.

Ironically enough, Sex and the City 2 was on that night, and while I will refrain from commenting on the movie as a whole, there was one seen that completely summarized exactly what I was missing....

Sex and the City 2- Take a Sip

I was thinking, wow,  this is what I really need-  to sit around with other moms/ girlfriends, and just talk about kids, work, life in general.  Laugh that laugh you only get when you are surrounded by girlfriends that just know you, and they understand what you are thinking with out you really having to say it.  That sense of trust, where I can confide that as the days are ticking closer to having the girls here, I am so scared if I can do this on my own.  That while I miss my precious girls beyond words, these few days that I am here- alone- I cherish, and the fact that I enjoy that time makes me feel guilty.

Let's face it- Girlfriends just get it.

And while I know that I will eventually make some connections here, it's just difficult to work through this period of limbo.

So to all my girlfriends out there, even though we may not be able to sit in the backyard and share a glass of wine, I just want you to know how much I value you, miss you, and carry your love and support in my heart.  Thank you for all the support you give me, even from 650 miles away.

To Everything… Turn, Turn , Turn….

Whether you happen to be in a situation such as myself (find that your life has drastically changed) or not (things seem to be just humming along) I think that a lot of people my age (especially women) seem to be asking themselves those infamous life questions- Who am I?  What am I really doing with my life?  Is this IT? 

I think that this is, of course, a big part of the reason why there happens to be a lot of mid-life “crisis” and/ or divorce for people as they approach the big 4-0 mark.  It’s a milestone, a significant place mark- OMG, I am 40- half my life has passed me by and I can’t believe this is where I am at (and by the way, 40 USED to seem old, now I would like to consider that the starting gate, ok?)

I think that it’s natural, and a good thing, that while I am at this stage in my life I really try to do some introspection and face some of those life questions. Let’s face it, no one is who they are when they were 22 (and thank God for that). 15+ years of life lessons and experiences changes a person.  But what happens when those life lessons and experiences change a person to a point that they are no longer compatible with their spouse?

I have been thinking about this, and I came across and article such article titled “Why Marriages End (it’s not what you think)”.  It was a detailed explanation of what the author, Diana Mercer, calls Turning.  Through her research, Diana found divorce occurs mainly when two people, for whatever reason, have Turned from one another and looked for satisfaction outside of the marriage.   The premise is that marriages fall apart through erosion, and not necessarily because of one major incident such as affairs or money.  The relationship that met your needs that were important to you when you first met are not the same needs that you have now, and things begin to slip. The breakdown starts slowly and proceeds with one tiny misstep after another, until the sum of these become so large that the relationship collapses.  It starts when one or both spouses realize they are not getting a need met by the marriage.  She states that the nature of the need is not important, just the fact that it’s not met.  This causes the spouse to have this need filled by something outside of the marriage, and often it is something innocuous or even something positive.  It can be work (um, hello?  Are you hearing me, self?  They said work.  Just checking.), going back to school, individual hobbies, focus on the kids, physical fitness, etc. but whatever it is, it’s Turning just the same.  To me this is more than just doing something for yourself; it’s making this the focus of your life.  Everyone should have the opportunity to get their MBA, but are you doing that to avoid the unsaid truth that you are no longer compatible with your spouse?

Turning, she says, happens, and it is nobody’s fault; put simply it’s because you are no longer who you used to be.  I compare it to the water erosion over time that eventually became the Grand Canyon; it is that same consequence of time and change that creates a gap- The Great Divide- in a marriage.  An important point that Diana makes is that while you’re in a relationship that is experiencing Turning, it’s difficult or even impossible to see.  Only when you take an outside perspective and are honest with who you are now and how that fits into your current relationship are you able to see it.  I think it’s only when you are out of the relationship does it become fully apparent.

All of this makes me pause and think to myself, so how do couples prevent Turning?  We never stop growing and changing as individuals, but yet many relationships make it successfully through life’s ebbs and flows.  How does that work?  My initial thought is that you have to have a likeminded and solid foundation in your marriage, and more than what you thought you needed at 22.  From there, communication and alignment on seeing the same path for your future together- as one- is key.  Not two separate paths that occasionally intersect.  All of this, for me, equates to that elusive partnership that I will admit makes me a little jealous when I see it in other couples I know.  But in the end, even with all this in place, there is still a small amount of chance, mixed with a pinch of circumstance and understanding, surrounded by a whole lot of love for a relationship to survive.  Because if not, what it turns into is not what you bargained for.

Tightrope Act

When the girls were here for Spring Break, being the planner that I am, I thought that I had worked out all of the details so that it would be as smooth sailing as it could be given the circumstances.  I knew that it was going to be emotional- nothing like pulling up to a new house and saying “Congratulations! Hope you like it because you are going to live here!”  No matter what age you are, that is hard.  Being 10 (GG) and 6 (Belle) does not help matters in the “dealing with it” category.

I wanted to make the girls’ time here as simple as possible- in truth, for both them and myself.  There were no grand outings; the Aquarium, Stone Mountain, Centennial Park are not going anywhere, and we will have oodles of time to explore those things once they move here permanently.  It was also a fact that, as I had already taken a week off just to move, my vacation time was at a premium, so I decided to still work all week.  My mother and sister graciously agreed to schedule activities with the girls during the day so that I would be free to knock out conference calls and emails. 

First, I have to say that working from a home office truly is the best and the worst working environment.  Sure, you get to roll out of bed, and barring any calls on Skype, can wear your favorite band t-shirt and yoga pants all day long- no makeup required.  It’s also really hard because when you travel as much as I do, you are constantly packing and unpacking your office, and it’s a start and stop process that really sucks up a lot of time and productivity.  The other issue is that you must maintain focus, and in saying “I will just throw in a quick load of laundry” you will inevitably end up re-decorating the entire family room.  On the flip side, it’s also really hard to turn it off; you say you will just answer a few emails, and before you know it you can hear Conan doing his monologue.

And all of that is without putting kids into the equation.

So back to Spring Break…. You know….. With the best laid plans….

There was one afternoon where the girls found themselves in a window of time that was after lunch but before any of the neighborhood kids were home from school.  Belle had a project due shortly after the break where she had to make a model of an endangered animal.  No problem, I thought… I had a block of time that was free, they needed the supervision and heck, I can spend a little mid-day quality time with my daughter… because you know, I can do it all.  At the same time.  Right? 

So there we are, newspaper strips and Paper Mache’ all ready to go to magically transform a 2 liter bottle taped up with Dixie cups and electrical tape into a ring-tailed lemur (which she picked because it happens to be my favorite animal- how sweet is that???). I look at the clock.  I have 45 minutes until my next call.  I can do this I tell myself.  So we dive in and are literally up to our elbows in the mucky flour / water mixture and the phone rings.  It’s a call that I have to take- now. I answer, and with the phone on my shoulder try to wash the goop off my hands while acting all professional.  I start to juggle the conversation “Yes, I do think that switching up the structure of the team like that will strategically align for best business results and prove profitable by Q4”.  All the while I see that the Paper Mache project is quickly unraveling… (Mute phone) “Belle, that is WAY too much Paper Mache’, sweetie!  It will take 3 days to dry… Wait! No! Don’t take it all off!”  Too late, and she swipes all the newspaper strips off the lemur body in frustration and says “It looks like a pig, mommy- not a lemur!”  Sigh… OK.  I’ve got this. (Un-mute phone) “Sure, I can get revised org charts over to you by end of day.  You want three different versions?  No problem…”  (Mute phone) “OK, Belle, we can fix that- besides, maybe it’s a new breed of animal called a pig-lemur….” (It can happen, right?)

Whew.  So I know that typically my girls will not be here during a normal work day, but man, it was like walking a tightrope.  Over a pit of fire-eating alligators.  Who are very cranky.  You have to stay straight, on point, focus on what you were doing at exactly that moment, or else you would lose your balance and then it all comes tumbling down.  It made me really think- is this how it’s going to be as a single mom?  All the time? Am I going to feel like I am walking on the tight rope forever?

I hope not, but I have to tell you, I can already hear the circus music in the background…..

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

OK, OK, I know that I have been absent for a while, however it's not that I haven't been busy people... anyway... oh, how I have missed you Blog!  As they say, it's good to be back.

So, since having moved here to Georgia, it has been a roller coaster ride to say the least.  I went through an intense two week period of unpacking, updating, decorating, shopping, and just trying to get the place livable, and now I am pretty burned out.  The remaining boxes that keep staring me down, let alone the ones looming in the garage, will just have to wait until I get the rest of my life back on track.

With that being said, I wanted to share some of my initial observations so far...  let's just say, it's been interesting....

The Good:

• That bright yellow thing in the sky- I hear it's called the Sun- I get to see it every day. No more "grainy" (that would be gray and rainy) Michigan weather.
• With the sun, comes warmth.  Right now, it is awesome.  Come August, I am betting not so much, but I choose not to acknowledge that now.
• How kind everyone is... I had polite written in there, but that just does not do it justice.  People are genuinely nice.  They want to help you.  They let you into their lane when you want to merge- willingly. They smile at you - for no reason. It's freaking me out just a little.
• In relation to the above- people here are happy- I think it's a combination of all of the above.
• The ability to drive with the windows down all the time
• The radio station Dave FM- it's as if someone took my Ipod, put it on shuffle, and pressed play.  Awesome.
• The creek and "woods" next to the house.  The girls played in it every day that they were here... they came out scratched up, muddy and smiling… and loved every minute of it.
• Speaking of kids, have to mention the neighborhood- it’s a swarm of children.  There were kids here every day playing with the girls, and an instant set of friends is not so bad.
• Speaking of the neighborhood, it's great.  You just feel safe, like people here have your back, and again, they all wave hello.  Can't wait for the pool to open- That's right... a neighborhood pool that I get to enjoy and someone else takes care of- can you say heaven?!?!
• My backyard.  The house sits on a lot that is angled just right so that I never get direct sun. I have never had a fence before, and I have to say I love it.  Sitting on the patio, drinking a cold beer, just listening to the birds... I exhale... it's pretty darn perfect.
• The recreation- while I have not been able to check it out in abundance (yet) but there is so much to DO here- family activities, sporting events, and tons of great trails to hike- can you say Appalachian Trail?  Can't wait to check that out!
• Cost of living.  It's less.  Enough said.

Here is what I will classify as "The Bad"-

• The language barrier.  Yes, there is a southern way of speaking, and right now it is all gibberish.  No, I don't know how far away a "stroke" is.
• The pace.  Let's just say people here are not in a hurry. Face it, I walk fast, I talk fast, I drive fast... I am sure at some point I will adapt to this way of life and it will be good for me, but right now, let's pick up the pace people!
• House Guests- otherwise known as Bugs.  They are huge.  No, I’m serious- as big as your head huge. And they dive at you and are ugly and scary and ugh! The wasp nest that was in the gutters, the spiders, beetles and centipedes- all both dead and alive- that I found in the house as it sat empty for a while completely gave me the chills. And even now they still seem to be everywhere.  I swear they feed those suckers Miracle Grow or something…
• All that yellow stuff- otherwise known as tree pollen.  While it doesn't last long, it coats everything, and having a white car does not help matters
• The occasional thunderstorm.  This is not your momma’s thunderstorm, unless you grew up here, and then it is. They are so much more intense here- the lightning seems to stretch across the sky for as far as you can see, and the thunder is so deep and rumbling that you swear it’s right over you.  Which sometimes it is, and then it makes all the windows shake.
• The southern food- see, and you thought I would put it up under the "Good".  But that is the problem- it's too good.  And all these biscuits and gravy are not helping the waistline... and I still have not been able to find the right gym.
• Non-Existent Instant Set of Friends for me- while the kids are having an easy time, for me, not so much.  I am struggling to meet friends, and am really missing that.  I don't work in an office, and then put travel on top of that... how do you meet other cool moms that like to drink beer and watch hockey, all while discussing the importance of organic milk and dark chocolate?
• Speaking of hockey, finding people that understand what icing is proving difficult. Very difficult. 
• That everything is new.  Every store, every street, every shop.  It's crazy and confusing, and therefore there is no "quick trips" anywhere. Need to get the oil changed?  Have to Google a place, plug it into the Garmin, and hope it all works out.  
• Grocery shopping- again with the "don't know where anything is yet", and all of your favorite brands are nowhere to be found.  You also see large amounts of Pimento Cheese spread down here.  I don’t even want to know what that is.
• Speaking of Grocery Stores, there is a place here called Publix.  It's like Kroger or Farmer Jack's to all my Michigan brethren, all except for one thing- THEY WALK YOUR GROCERY CART TO YOUR CAR! And they even unload your bags INTO the car.  Its so frickin' weird.  I just want to yell "Stop touching my stuff!" however that would not be very southern of me.....

And now, for the Ugly...

• Yep, that would be my hair.  As a naturally curly red-head, this humidity is already proving to be my nemesis; that evil thing that looms outside- invisible, just waiting to strike- and it's not even summer yet.  I have a feeling that no matter how many straight irons I arm myself with it's going to come down to a battle of wills in the end... will I go back to curly?  Will I cut it?  Will I stay in the house until the fall?  Ahhhhh.... It remains to be seen…  

Until then, I need to put on my flip-flops, sit outside, and enjoy the sun for a while…

A Few Good Men

Since moving to Georgia, there has been a parade of men through my house.

And no, not like you are thinking.

What I am getting at is that I have had so much support, assistance, and all around general "nice-guyness" from a group of men that if I sit back and look at it, I am moved and amazed.

Let me introduce you to my posse.

Prior to even moving to Georgia, I connected with Nicholas, my agent, and from there he put together this amazing team including Shawn (broker) and Richard (attorney).  I always felt that I had this support structure to totally represent me, especially when I could not be here in person.  These guys, who didn't know me at all, really did all they could to not only walk me through every step of the process, but really to make sure I was treated fairly.  There are some points when buying a house on your own that can be very overwhelming, I can't tell you how invaluable these guys were, as I am not sure I would have made it through the process without them.

My sister has this amazing man in her life, and lucky for me I get to call him my brother-in-law.  I never even asked, and during one of my house hunting trips to Georgia he just said "Whenever you are ready, you let me know and I will drive your moving truck to Georgia".  Yep.  Just like that.  Like it was “hey, I will take you up to the store to get some milk” except it was a 26 foot Penske truck filled to the rim with very poor shocks.  For 12 hours. Who does that?  Oh, yeah... he does that.

And then there is my brother-in-laws brother… who, when I was stuck at IKEA with a ton of furniture that I needed to bring home, shows up with his truck and helps me move it all into the house.  No questions asked.  Never mind that he is on the other side of Atlanta (and for those not from here, that’s at least an hour and a half drive). 

And these are just some of the many examples of how they have helped me.

After getting into the house, my dad has been my Mr. Fix-It.  So far he has replaced door handles, cabinet knobs, front and back door lights, my under-the-counter radio in the kitchen that I can’t live without, towel racks, storage baskets… well, you get the idea. And all this just weeks after knee replacement surgery.  He has also been my advocate at Lowe’s when I have been out of town to deal with my adventures in trying to purchase a new front door (another post, another time).  And while he can be a tad stressful sometimes, I am beyond grateful for all he has done for me.

For the larger projects, Nicholas (who knows everyone) hooked me up with a general contractor Brandon (who also knows everyone).  Brandon, at 23, has “a guy” for everything.  His network is amazing.  Pluming issues- yep, that was Shane.  HAVC?  Yep, Justin came to fix that.  Siding needs to be replaced?  That would be the other Brandon.  When I had him look at my dryer because it wasn’t working, we couldn’t figure out what was wrong.  My panic started to take over- I could NOT afford a new dryer at this point, and really don’t have the time for Craig’s list- and in two seconds Brandon was on the phone and I hear him say, “ you still looking at getting rid of that dryer?”.  Before I know it we are in the truck headed to Atlanta to pick up my new-to-me dryer… for free.  Amazing. 

Heck, even my new favorite radio station is called Dave FM.  (Thanks, Kev!)

So in a world where I am often quick to praise the strength, resourcefulness, multi-tasking ability of the women in my life (who all still rock, and I could not live without) I really feel it was important to pause and say thanks to all the men that have helped me get to where I need to be.

If this is any indication of the way a southern gentleman operates, I think I am going to love it here.

Just Plain Nuts

When GG (my eldest) was in daycare, there was a short period of time when she was in a room with a child with a peanut allergy.  First, let me say that I would not wish that on anyone- the child or the mother- I can only imagine how challenging that can be.  Selfishly, this did cause some challenges for us on the lunch end.  GG was in a PB&J phase, and it was ALWAYS peanut butter and strawberry jelly (with the crusts cut off please).  The rules that came with the "Peanut Free" room were simple but strict- no peanut products of any kind, no nuts in snacks or treats.  When faced with these guidelines, you quickly realize that so much of what your child consumes involves some sort of nut by-product, and not just the obvious PB&J.  The struggles we went through to get that child to eat something else- anything else- for lunch was not easy.   In the end we made it work and hey, she didn't starve.


I was flying back to Georgia from Michigan last week, and sitting in the very large 737 plane. Soon it was time for beverage service, and yep, you guessed it, along came....


Peanuts.


I have often wondered, what happens if you are on a flight and you have a peanut allergy?  Here you are, in this large tin can, 30,000 feet high in the sky, packed in so tight you can barely move your legs- and suddenly find yourself surrounded by tiny foil bags of death?


I find it kind of ironic, thinking back to the peanut free zone at daycare, and all we did to protect one child in a class of 12, and in a group of hundreds we really don't seem to have the same concern.


Besides, Delta can keep their bag of 12 stale peanuts.  Who want to eat them anyway?