In a
world where typically the person that is most critical of you is the person
staring back from the reflection in the mirror, I believe that it’s a good
thing to really embrace the things that you like about yourself. I love that I have red hair. I think I have a great smile. I love that I
can have very deep and connecting conversations with friends, and that they
turn to me in times of need. I love that
I try to embrace the moment, and sometimes break the rules.
I also like that I genuinely believe the best in people.
But now, I am starting to question this last one.
There is that saying, “Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me”. I wish I could adhere to that philosophy, but it usually takes me more than once. Okay, maybe more than twice, or more.
It typically takes me 9 times.
I know! That’s crazy. I am much smarter than that, or I would at least like to believe. But alas, here I find myself, dumbfounded yet again when I realize who a person really is.
And I am sitting here, ranting around saying “I can’t believe that this person did that!” and then a little voice says, um really? You CAN’T believe it? Because it was so out of the blue? Why didn’t you believe it the last time, when they were so irresponsible? Or the time before that, when you had asked them to commit to you, and they couldn’t even try, and just gave up? When they disappointed you time and time again. When they did this exact same thing before and they don't even realize that you know, because you chose in that moment to not call it out? Why didn’t you believe it then?
But I chose to not believe any of those times. It was more that I wanted to believe that this time was different. That the person behaved and acted in the way that I wanted them too. Treated me the way that I would have treated them. Truthfully. With care. With respect.
But they didn’t. And now I find myself here- after the 9th time- Over. It.
What I have tried to explain to this person is that it will never be the same. I will never view them in the light the way I once did. The way I cared for them, thought I could trust them with the things that I held most precious in my life, thought I could trust them with my feelings. But now, I realize that THIS IS who they are- not who I had hoped they would be- but THIS is their true self.
And I don’t even know who that is anymore.
There is another saying “When someone shows you who they really are, believe them”.
This time I believe.
There will not be a time #10.
I also like that I genuinely believe the best in people.
But now, I am starting to question this last one.
There is that saying, “Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me”. I wish I could adhere to that philosophy, but it usually takes me more than once. Okay, maybe more than twice, or more.
It typically takes me 9 times.
I know! That’s crazy. I am much smarter than that, or I would at least like to believe. But alas, here I find myself, dumbfounded yet again when I realize who a person really is.
And I am sitting here, ranting around saying “I can’t believe that this person did that!” and then a little voice says, um really? You CAN’T believe it? Because it was so out of the blue? Why didn’t you believe it the last time, when they were so irresponsible? Or the time before that, when you had asked them to commit to you, and they couldn’t even try, and just gave up? When they disappointed you time and time again. When they did this exact same thing before and they don't even realize that you know, because you chose in that moment to not call it out? Why didn’t you believe it then?
But I chose to not believe any of those times. It was more that I wanted to believe that this time was different. That the person behaved and acted in the way that I wanted them too. Treated me the way that I would have treated them. Truthfully. With care. With respect.
But they didn’t. And now I find myself here- after the 9th time- Over. It.
What I have tried to explain to this person is that it will never be the same. I will never view them in the light the way I once did. The way I cared for them, thought I could trust them with the things that I held most precious in my life, thought I could trust them with my feelings. But now, I realize that THIS IS who they are- not who I had hoped they would be- but THIS is their true self.
And I don’t even know who that is anymore.
There is another saying “When someone shows you who they really are, believe them”.
This time I believe.
There will not be a time #10.
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